The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She made me pour olive oil on her.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
