I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
