is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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