white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
