Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need to sanitize my soul.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
