Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
