idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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