kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
