The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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