i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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