he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
handjob tips. give me some.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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