Taylor Swift is so right about you.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
