WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
