dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
