My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
