i just had sex bonerless
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
