this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
