is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just found a bag of teeth...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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