i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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