Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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