Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
