ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
