I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
