Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
