literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
that's an acceptable place to lick
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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