I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
