There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
