You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
