he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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