O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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