we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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