ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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