you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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