Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize