oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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