He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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