it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What a dumb baby whore.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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