whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
