you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just pee around me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
