i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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