My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
