is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
