doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
