im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
