So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
