The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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