We tried having a conversation with our noses.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
