we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
