yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
