take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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