so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
