Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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