I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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