Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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