Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
