I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
