hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
