the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
