I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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