he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
