Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
