im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
