she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
