I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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