She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
