I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
