He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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