i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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