I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
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