So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
