I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize