can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
