Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
