Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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