Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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