wakey wakey hands off snakey
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
