I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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