First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
