I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
