he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
