I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize