This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
