Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
