I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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