I accidentally burped into my bong.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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