Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
