I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
