Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize