wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
