he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
