Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
