I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
