If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
