I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
